I do not like beaches, saltwater, Architectural Digest, or "relaxing."
- Beaches are full of sand, and sand gets everywhere. Contrary to popular belief, the Sandwich was not named after an earl. It was renamed for the small fairies that live along the coastline ruining every beach-goer's lunch with grit.
- Beaches are very pretty, if you like looking at stock photos for travel agency brochures. Generally they all look pretty (similar).
- Beaches are a great place to watch people cover themselves in oil, sand, and salt then turn colors. Some people turn pink and peely, some turn brown and scaly.
- Saltwater makes you sticky.
- Saltwater makes your hair stand up at all angles.
- Saltwater burns when it touches your blistered feet.
- Architectural digest is a very conservative and banal representation of stylish interior design.
- Architectural digest still has a lot of images of dark, Victorian rooms cluttered with artifacts which serve no purpose. This is OK in print, but in real life, it is hard to decorate a room this way. Irrelevant objects end up mixed in with the decoration and dusting becomes difficult.
- Architectural Digest seems to appeal to people who are staged, stiff and approachable like the interiors in the magazine.
- Relaxing is a lot like just being bored.